The Empty Nest

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Melinda L. Wentzel aka Planet Mom

Humor Columnist. Empty nester. Recovering minivan owner. Walker of the damn dog. Author: ON MOTHERHOOD (Essays) and DELIVERANCE: A SURVIVAL GUIDE TO PARENTING TWINS. Planet Mom: It's where I live, at the corner of Irreverence and Over-sharing. Please join me.
PLANET MOM…

…offering parents who subsist at various stages of lunacy a sanity cocktail in the form of gloriously irreverent and, at times, surprisingly touching posts about marriage and life with kids.
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“Every parent needs to read this book! It’s hilarious!” Brenda Gair
“Wentzel will have you nodding your head in solidarity and grinning like a fool while you read! Heartwarming and funny!” (Robin O’Bryant, NYT bestselling author of Ketchup is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves)
Winner of the 2009-2010 MACPA Editorial Award for Original Writing, Category: Personal Column
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“Planet Mom is a talented writer with a wicked funny sense of humor!” Vicki VanNoy
If you haven’t been an embarrassment to your teen/tween in the past 24 hours, you’re not doing it right.
“I Can Has Cheeseburger?”
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It’s only ONE WEEK until Mother’s Day. 🌺🌻🌸🌼😲😲😲 Be sure to remember Mom on her special day with a humorous and heartwarming book on motherhood. Order online at iUNIVERSE or Amazon or pick up a signed copy at @otto_bookstore in downtown Williamsport, @wellsboro_bookstore in Wellsboro, @bnstatecollege on Benner Pike in State College PA or on Etsy at Planet Mom Market. 🤓🤓🤓 #OnMotherhood #PlanetMom #essays #parenting #books #booksofinstagram #bookstagram #motherhood #mothersday #booksmakegreatgifts

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"(Planet Mom), you are a wonderful writer and you remind other moms to stop and enjoy the small things that we usually forget because we're trying too hard to get everything right." (Keshwar Ateeq, Orlando, FL)
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“Unanswerable questions never die.”

"...they simply migrate to more fertile regions of our homes where they mutate into hideous manifestations of their original forms, leaving us wringing our hands and damning our inadequate selves.” PLANET MOM
I realized how pathetic my parenting skills were when I screamed at my children, “STOP SCREAMING!!” #fail
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The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Parents…READ IT HERE!
Rave Reviews for The 7 Habits of Highly Defective Parents!

"A little dysfunction can make a person more interesting!" (The Country Wife, South Dakota)

"This is brilliant. I wish I could give you a trophy, but I'm too busy screaming at my kids." (Kendra, Austin TX)

"Love your voice. If I had kids, I'd totally hang around your blog. Maybe I'll be back in 5 years or so." (Kiya Krier, Kansas City KS)

"I love this. Tear drawing laughter. You are an absolute hoot." (John Nelson, Spokane WA)
“Jesus, woman, where have you been hiding?” (Mr. Lady, Story Editor and Webmaster at Story Bleed Magazine)
Copyright 2003-2024 Melinda L. Wentzel

All rights reserved: Written content, photos and art. VIOLATORS WILL BE FED TO MY DOG.

On a more serious note: Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this site’s material (i.e. written content, photos and art) without express and written permission from this blog’s author and owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Melinda L. Wentzel (aka Planet Mom) and the Planet Mom Web Site with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Absurd Utterance of the Day…

"Mom, you're really good at writing adult humor...just not kid humor. Kid humor involves making fart noises with your hands, and you're not very good at that."
Thing One: Self-portrait (@ the age of 100)
Thing Two: Self-portrait
“Mom, I wouldn’t trade you for anything. Not even for a worm.”
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May 2024

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“(Planet Mom), OMG, I actually laughed so hard I cried at the part about ‘remember the time Daddy tried to drown me in the shower....’ etc., I am still mopping tears off my keyboard!!! You are hilarious. Do you realize that you are articulating what every parent actually thinks, but never actually does....?!! Thank you!” (Cat Krestel Porritt, Ontario Canada)
“I recognized Planet Mom in the library last week, which was odd because I had it on my mind that day to e-mail you to tell you how fortunate you are to have her on your staff. Her writing is fresh, brilliant and entertaining. I, along with gazillions of other moms, can totally relate to her articles……she should be nationally syndicated. I look forward to Webb Weekly just for her column……maybe she should get a huge Christmas bonus….” Lori Wannop, Williamsport PA
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Copyright 2003-2024 Melinda L. Wentzel

All rights reserved: Written content, photos and art. VIOLATORS WILL BE FED TO MY DOG.

On a more serious note: Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this site’s material (i.e. written content, photos and art) without express and written permission from this blog’s author and owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Melinda L. Wentzel (aka Planet Mom) and the Planet Mom Web Site with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.