Tag Archives: humor

June 23, 2026 · 12:00 pm

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

The title of this column, which is a renowned line from J.R.R. Tolkien’s novel, The Fellowship of the Ring, certainly rings true for me—although I have been known to become somewhat disoriented while wandering, especially in the woods.

At any rate, one of my favorite activities is to try to get my steps in—usually walking around my neighborhood, but I’ll walk practically anywhere if it’s not too hilly. Typically, the weather dictates specifically where I’ll go and since I acknowledge that I can no longer stand the heat, I refrain from walking outdoors when the temperature is akin to the surface of the sun. That goes for the dead of winter, too, when it’s windy or icy or unbearably cold. Instead, my husband and I opt for doing laps around the indoor track at Lycoming College—a wonderful facility that we are so fortunate to be able to use. As an added bonus, we get to interact with delightful college students and faculty as we cruise around the oval together, overlooking an enormous gymnasium below. They even pipe in music that permeates the entire space, although we usually bring our own tunes.

Naturally, the college kids lap me (usually running like the wind) which I take in stride because I have them by several decades, never mind their superior flexibility and lung capacity. But they never lord it over me, which I appreciate greatly. They smile and sometimes even offer words of encouragement or a friendly “hello.”

But sometimes it’s even too hot to walk there, as the outdoor heat tends to seep inside, especially on sunny days. And let us not forget my wretched hot flashes. I know I haven’t. I suppose I could join a gym, where it’s likely air-conditioned, and use a treadmill to my heart’s content. But I know myself. I signed up for a gym membership years ago, fully intending to frequent said facility and never once did so. I don’t know why exactly; I only know that. So, for me, that would be a total waste of money.

Instead, I do what I never once imagined I would do—I hike the vast acreage (i.e. the innumerable aisles) contained within in our local grocery stores. Needless to say, the temperatures are cool and comfortable, and the terrain is flat. There’s music, too. Not surprisingly, I’ll occasionally encounter a bottleneck of people and carts on my path, but that’s easy enough to navigate. What’s more, sometimes I’ll stumble upon someone I know and enjoy catching up with them, or I’ll notice a ridiculous sale on Milano cookies and feel compelled to gather an armload, which I’ll reluctantly haul around the rest of the store. Aside from that, it’s a perfect place to trek on pretty much any day of the week.

That said, I’ve become a glorified “mall walker,” the very group of people I used to silently judge because I couldn’t understand why they weren’t in a park or a neighborhood or slogging away on a treadmill somewhere. Now I get it. Only it’s grocery stores—not the mall.

Truth be told, I mostly prefer taking my daily jaunts through our neighborhood, in the fresh air and sunshine. As an added benefit, I run across friends, their kids and sometimes I even get to pet their dogs. If it’s after dusk, I enjoy seeing people’s windows aglow with warm, yellow light as I pass—especially in the winter. And because I’m a complete weirdo, I like to kick stones and step on dry leaves along my path, hearing a satisfying crunch beneath my feet. We always seem to have an abundance of leaves in our street so that’s a win for me. Thankfully, thick groves of old-growth trees envelop our neighborhood almost entirely, lush shrubbery and thickets lapping at the edges of the pavement. And there’s nothing that I love more than to be surrounded by woods in any season.

It’s true; not all those who wander are lost. Some are just trying to get their steps in, and along the way discover that the path they’ve chosen feels much like home.

Welcome to my world. It’s where I live (probably walking). Visit me there at www.facebook.com/NotesFromPlanetMom. Signed books are available on Etsy at PlanetMomMarket.

Out to Pasture

Just when I thought my household décor was in vogue and on par with the latest design trends, the universe had the audacity to inform me otherwise. I know this because I watch entirely too much HGTV. Apparently, my kitchen cabinetry is dated, even though its appearance and functionality are ideal in my mind. I love the soft close feature that each cupboard boasts and the ridiculously spacious Super Susans nestled in the corners. Even the key cabinet, where we now house all sorts of things aside from keys, is beyond convenient. Never mind the enormous drawers hidden beneath our 34-square foot island that can each hold 100 pounds or more. And because I own way too many pots and rogue Rubbermaid containers, those drawers are perfectly suited to manage it all.

I can’t even begin to express how thrilled I was, and continue to be, with the spaciousness of almost every aspect of our kitchen that we renovated over 13 years ago. Even the junk drawer has room for all our junk—which is really saying something.

And the sturdy exterior of the cabinetry, a beautiful Brazilian stained quarter sawn oak that makes my heart smile every time I enter the kitchen, extends all the way to the ceiling so that I no longer have to wonder what to do with the worthless space (i.e. dust trap) atop the cupboards. Plus, I can now store even more—I just have to haul a stepladder in to make it happen. And yes, the countertops, island, floor and paint all hail from a decidedly warm and earthy color palette—egregiously far from what is considered trendy by today’s standards. Everything, it seems, is either pristine white or muted gray nowadays. Where’s the fun in that—let alone the whimsy?

What’s more, popular kitchen/bathroom hardware, fixtures and lighting are mostly brushed brass of late, something I tried so hard to eradicate from my home since it smacked of the ‘80s. Are we going backwards here? Are bell-bottoms next? That said, wallpaper has been resurrected from the dead, evidently. I cringe every time I see the hosts of the Property Brothers or Love It or List It decide to add it to various rooms as some sort of magical feature because I distinctly remember becoming enraged while attempting to remove every stitch of it from my home. At one point, we had to hire someone to save us from ourselves by doing the job for us. Thank you, Ed Gair.

It’s no surprise that the entire topic of home improvement has always been a point of contention between my husband and me. We rarely agree on the specifics of how to renovate, so when the stars and planets align so that we are, in fact, on the same page, we immediately put the changes into effect. That’s how we ended up with gorgeous dark walnut-hued vinyl plank flooring (that looks exactly like hardwood) in our living room and dining room. Amazingly, it resists scratches, stains and water. Good thing—because we had a little dog that whizzed on the floor indiscriminately for years. Unfortunately, though, we can’t seem to agree on whether to replace our hideous pink carpet in the bedrooms that my husband swears is salmon with more carpet or perhaps more vinyl. He is of the opinion that we should install more carpet (potentially terrible carpet) while I think vinyl plank flooring makes more sense because it would contribute to the overall flow in our home. Of course, I learned that term by watching HGTV.

Either way, we’re doing it wrong according to the home décor experts. Invariably, the folks on many of the episodes prefer lighter-colored flooring. And they almost never opt for carpeting, much to my husband’s disappointment.

Further, I’m sure if they had their way regarding our home, they’d advise us to knock down walls, move the stove and reorient our stairwell in order to create a more open concept and better feng shui. Yes, I learned those terms on the network, too.

No doubt, that very same network would likely be prepared to put my precious design ideas out to pasture, long before it’s time. Who knows; maybe the universe is right.

Welcome to my world. It’s where I live (probably watching HGTV). Visit me there at www.facebook.com/NotesFromPlanetMom. Signed books are available on Etsy at PlanetMomMarket.

Pool Fools

My husband and I put in a pool about seven years ago, when our youngest kids went off to college. It was a not-so-veiled scheme to lure them back home to visit each summer; and it worked for the most part. It didn’t hurt that we kept adding fun floaties every season so they could loll around in the water while listening to a favorite playlist and sipping something cool and refreshing. That said, our pool truly is an oasis—our little backyard refuge where we have fun just bobbing up and down on our oversized noodles, not a care in the world, balmy water lapping at our chins.

Despite how decidedly wonderful this pool is, I’m quite sure our kids have no idea what horrible caretakers we are. To date, our ineptitude knows no bounds. The folks at Fagnano’s Pools know the score. Without a doubt, no two stupider people have set foot in their establishment seeking guidance and/or a small team of marriage counselors. We never remember anything they’ve taught us so they have to walk us through the opening every year. Thankfully, they are more than accommodating and incredibly patient, even though it’s plain to see by every metric we are fools and we have no business owning anything that requires regular maintenance. Every spring we turn to the gurus at Fagnano’s for specific instruction on opening our pool. Of course, they remove the winter cover, install the ladders and get the filter running, et al. But when it comes to adding chemicals and salt, we’re utterly clueless. Fortunately, they provide us with a detailed list of what to add and when—and also when it’s safe to begin heating the water. No one wants algae running amok.

That is not to say, our pool experience has been uneventful. Perish the thought. There was the time we somehow sucked the mesh “skimmer sock” through the pipes, under the pool, all the way to the filter on the other side. And because the gods were smiling upon us, the sock didn’t get wedged in the pipes UNDER THE POOL. And thankfully the pieces of my husband’s dissolving swimsuit didn’t get sucked into the skimmer. What’s more, within the first couple of seasons we tore the solar cover and just stopped using it. Besides, there are big, hairy spiders in the cavity that houses the cover and I am not a fan of reaching in there.

Another spring, our water was the color of a pond (actually, less inviting than a pond) because great hordes of spongy moth caterpillars were perched in a huge oak tree above the water, pooing indiscriminately. What we didn’t know was that the disgusting particles were so fine, they couldn’t be removed the way we normally cleaned the pool. This necessitated vacuuming by hand so as not to stir up the poo that had settled to the bottom, and because we’re so dependent on the robotic vacuum that does the job automatically, our neighbor, Jay, had to show us how to do it because he’s forgotten more than we know. To say that this task was laborious is an understatement. That’s code for WE DIDN’T SWIM UNTIL MID-JULY. Although we hated to do it, we removed the oak tree and haven’t experienced that sort of fresh hell since then.

Aside from the spongy moth fiasco, last summer we noticed that the pool wasn’t holding its heat for about two or three weeks even though it was ungodly hot outside and the nights weren’t all that cool. Naturally, we called Fagnano’s to save us from ourselves. They took one look at our equipment and informed us that THE HEATER WAS OFF, apparently. My husband and I were dumbfounded as to how that happened. Like I said, no two stupider people own a pool.

Welcome to my world. It’s where I live (probably floating on a purple noodle). Visit me there at

www.facebook.com/NotesFromPlanetMom.

Signed books are available on Etsy at PlanetMomMarket.

By the Book

I have what some would consider a small library in my home—which sounds more impressive than it actually is. It’s a tiny collection of books written by some of my favorite authors, situated on a shelf just above my desk. On occasion, I pull one down and reread it, recalling why I placed it among my beloved titles in the first place. Oddly enough, I sometimes get more out of a book on the second time around, enjoying it to an even greater extent, observing finer detail with each passage and page. If, for whatever reason, I decide not to reread a book, I give it to someone or donate it randomly by placing it inside the Little Free Library in our neighborhood that my friend, Christine, installed several years ago. It’s no secret that I appreciate it as much or more than the neighborhood kids do.

I also have a to-be-read pile (TBR) in my home, stacked in the order I intend to consume each literary gem. One of the tenets I hold dear is that my TBR pile can never be depleted to zero. I have to know there is always another book waiting for me. Otherwise, I get anxious when I’m about to finish one if another isn’t lined up, at the ready. Quirky, I know.

But I doubt I’m as quirky as my husband by comparison. That man has the books he intends to read scattered all over the house, a few stashed in almost every room—in case sudden inspiration strikes, I guess. What’s more, he reads more than one book at a time. He calls it multitasking, of course. I call it madness. I have no idea how he keeps the narratives straight in his head. Heaven forbid he misplaces his bookmarks.

And despite the loads of encouragement I give him, he rarely agrees to read a book I suggest—even if I know in my heart of hearts that he’ll love it. Further, it’s almost impossible for me to convince him that he’d enjoy a novel. He usually goes for nonfiction like biographies or autobiographies on the topics of history, war, music and politics. Truth be told, I probably prefer nonfiction, too, although I have a few favorite novelists whose styles I can’t resist. At any rate, I’m seldom able to sway him to read just one of those writers.

On a related note, again and again he reminds me NOT to buy him another book—for Christmas, for his birthday, for Father’s Day, etc. And I fail to listen. The fact that I purchase yet another title for him is a manifestation of a terrible compulsion I feel each time I enter a bookstore—much like buying for myself. Oh well, I could have worse habits.

Thankfully, the greater Williamsport area is home to six wonderful libraries, the James V. Brown Library in Williamsport, the Konkle Memorial Library in Montoursville, the Jersey Shore Public Library, the Montgomery Area Public Library, the Muncy Public Library and the Hughesville Area Public Library. That said, we can always rely on them to provide wonderful book-related services for people of all ages and stages of life.

When all is said and done, there’s at least one thing my husband and I share when it comes to books—we not only love them, but we have enough sense to bring a good one along when we know we’ll be holed up at jury duty or at a garage getting our cars inspected, et al. Without fail, we’ll be there for hours on end and scrolling on a phone or watching TV will only suffice for so long.

Speaking of books, don’t miss the Second Annual Storytellers Book Fair hosted by Lycoming Arts in the Pennington Lounge at Lycoming College on Friday, May 15th from 4-7pm! There will be basket raffles, local author and artist meet-and-greets, book sales, mystery wine pull, community book swap, a discussion about PJ Piccirillo’s featured book (The Indigo Scarf) and a session regarding the publishing industry and book promotion (by Otto Bookstore General Manager, John Shableski). All proceeds from guest passes and activities will support Lycoming Arts and its work to connect our community through the arts. I’ll be there with bells on, signing my books. Hope to see you there!

Welcome to my world. It’s where I live (probably reading a good book). Visit me there at www.facebook.com/NotesfromPlanetMom. Signed books are available on Etsy at PlanetMomMarket.

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Filed under Bookish Stuff, Captain Quirk, Home is Where the Weirdness Lives, Me Time, Normal is Relative, Unplugged

Tagged as books, hobbies, humor, library, marriage, marriage humor, reading

April 28, 2026 · 12:00 pm

Strangelings

Most would agree that cats are weird little dudes. Adorable and fuzzy, of course, but definitely weird. At least ours are. My husband and I have had a number of them over the years. Long-haired, short-haired, smoky grey, orange, jet black and tabby. But they all seemed to have one thing in common: weirdness.

We had one cat who made it a habit to walk our kids to and from the bus stop before and after school. He was like clockwork. Even the bus driver, Helen, was keenly aware of his presence and made sure he was all the way across the road before she drove off, as if he were one of the kids—just furrier. This cat also played fetch, like a dog. He would chase various items that we threw for him and dutifully brought them back.

Another cat felt compelled to bring us the carcass of whatever he happened to slaughter on his nightly adventures. He’d leave beheaded creatures at the doorstep as a “gift” for us or conveniently carry them inside where we could more closely inspect that which was obviously precious to him. Sometimes he’d remove not only the head, but the paws, too, and then he’d display them neatly in a row, which is both disturbing and impressive. I’ll never forget stepping on a dead mouse on the porch IN MY BARE FEET on one occasion, stifling a scream. I’m sure he was pleased that I took note of his hunting prowess.

Still another cat, who was feral but became quite loveable over time, used to BITE rocks; although he did bite my husband more than once, sending him to the doctor for antibiotics. At any rate, our kids collected rocks at every turn and displayed some of the smaller ones on our kitchen island next to some candles. I don’t know what went on in that furry little head of his that insisted it made perfect sense to grate his teeth across stones from time to time, but something clearly did. I think he even had a favorite rock that he gnawed upon more than the others. Of course, I kept the rocks. I just couldn’t bear to toss them out after he passed.

Currently we have two cats that get along for the most part, Peets and Mario; but what’s odd is that Peets routinely tackles Mario like a linebacker—a cat that is TWICE her size. She just walks up to him, looks him dead in the eye and pounces, wrapping her tiny arms around his enormous neck. Stranger still, he backs down after a short-lived scuffle (so that Peets can resume giving me a bath). What a weirdo. But aside from the mismatched brawling, Mario has some traits we’ve discovered that eclipse all the others. We haven’t had him all that long, but he has provided a wealth of entertainment in that time.

For starters, he crawls inside ridiculous spaces—like our Lazy Susan, our pantry, our dryer and our refrigerator for God’s sake. I know, it’s a disgusting habit. He also resurrects random items from the cellar, carries them upstairs and shoves them under the door—like a gift. Stuff like pencils, screws, bolts and chewed-upon markers (often with the caps removed). Of course, we’re immensely appreciative. For context, our cats spend the night in our basement because we simply cannot let them have the run of the house. I haven’t completely lost my mind. What’s more, he plays fetch with himself by hauling an actual tennis ball to the top of the stairs and then lets it bounce all the way down. I know because I hear it thud on each step for hours on end and it only started happening after we adopted him. I’m pretty sure he’s the one placing toy mice (and sometimes REAL mice) in his water bowl as well, soggy as ever. I’m not sure if the real mouse died because he was bludgeoned to death or he drowned. Either way, he was a goner.

I suspect Mario has a personal vendetta against my houseplants, too. More specifically, he tries to murder them on a daily basis. He pulls them out of the pots and drags them across the floor, dirt and plant bits scattering everywhere. Naturally, I shout obscenities at him—just like all the times he jumps on me (or my husband) and attaches briefly to our backsides. Occasionally, he’ll leap as high as our shoulders, which is remarkable in its own right. Clearly, he’s not getting enough attention.

I’ll have to work on that.

Welcome to my world. It’s where I live (with two strange little beasts). Visit me there at www.facebook.com/NotesFromPlanetMom. Signed books are available on Etsy at PlanetMomMarket.